Eurocup Mania
The 2008 Eurocup is in full swing. As I type this I have one eye on the Spain v Italy match that at half-time is tied 0-0. One of the hardships of living on Roi-Namur is that the Armed Forces Television network does not broadcast what the rest of the world calls Football because you play it with you feet as opposed to American football where you seldom use your feet and if you’re one of the few players who have that opportunity you are generally looked on with contempt by your team mates. Perhaps AFN is concerned that football is a deadly foreign influence and that is why they do not broadcast the matches. Real football (soccer an abbreviation for Association Football) was once my life. I had to pretty much give it up once I moved to Roi for two good reasons, one I was nursing what I thought was an injury but later found out that my hip joint had degenerated due to arthritis and second because there was no one else to play with/against on Roi. I guess down on Kwaj they had a summer league but I wasn’t able to play. So I am left to playing vicariously through the sensational players I am watching in the Eurocup and other professional matches. And while my hip degenerated my memories of brilliant play has grown in stature leaving me with a memory of playing better than what I once actually did. I greatly enjoyed group play especially watching the Netherlands the country of my ancestors or at least one of the countries of my ancestors. The Dutch are my favorite European team due to their style of play and their former association with my ancestors. They play with verb and passion whatever that means. But more to the point they have a lot of energy, score a lot of goals (except against Russia), and have a player with a funny sounding name. That leads us to one of the chief high lites for me in this tournaments. There are a number of players with funny sounding names. For the Dutch it is a player with a name that sounds something like Flutenfart (pronounced ‘flute and fart’). I’m sure there were some school bullies who made some hay with that name. Spain’s answer to Flutenfart is Flabbergas. I wonder if the two players ever played on the same club team. If so I’m sure no one dared follow them into the loo. I think it was the Greek side who has a player named Yankoff. Which leads us to the star name of the tournament, the Ruskies player named Zherkof (pronounced Jerk-off). While I was saddened by the Dutch demise I find some comfort knowing it will give me more opportunity to laugh everytime Jerkoff’s name is mentioned. It is particularly funny when the announcers, with a straight face, make statements like “Jerkoff holds the ball well”, “Jerkoff launched a laser shot”, or “Jerkoff whacked the ball from the corner.” (Actual statements). It is a testimony to the professionalism of the announcers that they can make such statements without following it up with a Beevus and Butthead type laugh. One of the very best announcers on ESPN this cup is color man Andy Gray. He of course is a former footballer himself from Scotland, a nation not known for speaking English or having an especially keen sense of humor. Instead, they speak a language called Brogue which has its origins in English but has greatly departed from it. Since there are no English speaking teams in this tournament I suppose ESPN felt it was fitting not to have an English speaking announcer. But Andy has made many insightful observations which I would greatly appreciate if I actually spoke and understood Brogue. But all seriousness aside, it somehow seems fitting to have British announcers if for no other reason than they actually understand the game unlike many of their American colleagues. The voice just seems right somehow. What I love the most about Andy Gray is that his opinions on players taking dives exactly coincides with mine. I usually played striker during my career and my manager kept getting on me that I should take a dive in the box when I was getting mauled by fullbacks but I wouldn’t do it. I’d like to add that Scotland is a nation with a proud and rich heritage. Another story of this Eurocup is Croatia’s coach who’s night job is as a guitarist in a rock band. He doesn’t look like your typical coach and may be the only coach in the tournament with an earring. I know big Phil does not have one (Phil is Portugal’s coach and has recently taken a job with Chelsea, my favorite club team). Since the Netherlands did not advance I would have enjoyed seeing Croatia beat Russia in the final and seeing their coach get excited and play air guitar when one of his players steals the ball from Jerkoff and puts it in the old onion bag. But my deepest fear is that Turkey will play Italy in the final. I don’t enjoy watching Italy because they do not score many goals and do not give up many goals. The not giving up many goals has been a secret to their success. I”m hoping the Dutch or Portuguese do not catch on to that. It would take away some of the fun of watching them. I’ve taken a while to type this due to the distraction of watching the match despite my ability to touch type. After 90 minutes the score is tied 0-0. If you ask me Spain is falling right into Italy’s hand. This is a very typical Italian match. My fear of a Turkish v Italy final looks more and more promising. You may be wondering why I don’t like Turkish football. Perhaps it is unfair but years ago (1991) I was playing for an all Kenyan team (except me) in Riyadh against a Turkish side. That team was the dirtiest I’ve ever played against. We ended up having to call the match because fights were starting to break out. I have nothing against Turkey itself but I’ve held a grudge against their footballers since that day. To the national teams credit they have been exciting to watch and play with a don’t give up attitude. It also seems a mystery to me why Turkey insists on pretending to be European. Geographically they are located in Asia and culturally they seem closer to Asia but yet they steadfastly insist on being considered European. I would like to visit there someday to see the ancient sites and maybe the Turks will enlighten me and raise the fog of my current ignorance. Then I might start to champion their cause. My friend Jimmy pointed out to me that a large chunk of Europe use to be ruled by Turkey but one could make the claim that a large chunk of America was once ruled by England and Spain yet I don’t see any American team being allowed into the tournament nor does England or Spain insist on playing in the CONCACAF cup. But Turkey is a nation with a proud and rich heritage.
There is still no score and it appears that the Italians are more concerned with winning the cup rather than entertaining me. One more reason to hope Spain wins, a nation with a proud and rich heritage.
Epilogue - Surprise surprise, Spain actually beat Italy at their own game and won a nil nil tie on a penalty kick shoot out.
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